Here's What's in My Dirty Martini

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A Dutch Perspective On Our Political Process

From an email I received…

“We in Denmark can not figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a bi*ch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer . . . and a lawyer who is married to a bi*ch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman with big biznoobies who owns a beer distributorship.

Is there a contest here?”

They have a point!

A-6Dude

Abra Cadabra Martini
2 part Van Gogh Vodka
1/2 part peach schnapps
1/2 part apricot brandy
1 part pineapple juice

Pour ingredients into shaker and with ice and shake. Strain into a COLD martini glass.

Monday, April 21, 2008

What If on Global Warming

This is a short post. My question to all of the believers of the man-made global warming hoax is simple:

Let’s just for a minute accept the premise that you are right. Let’s also say that tomorrow we adopted all of the measures you think we should take. Let’s say that it works and we achieve the 0.7 degree reduction in temperature in the next 50 years that Kyoto promises.

What do we do when the next ice age occurs?

So we reduced emissions to get us cooler, what do we do to get us warmer?

A-6Dude

Russian Martini Recipe
4 parts vodka
4 parts gin
1 part white chocolate liqueur

Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice and shake till very cold. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Global Warming - The Real Worst Case Scenario

I am now convinced that this man-made global warming alarmism is real. And here is the worst case scenario.

Climate change may hamper production of the grains and barley required to make alcohol and beer.

Out of New Zealand is a story that says just that. Global warming could cause a shortage of these grains and thus cause prices for beer and vodka to rise. This story was only referring to NZ and Australia but since we are told that this global warming stuff is the worst thing to hit our planet, it must be affecting grain production every where.

This would be catastrophic, to say the least. While I like beer, it is not my drink of choice. But this warming adversely affects malted barley production it would stand to reason that all grain production would be affected.

As you can tell, martinis are my drink of choice (followed closely by single malt scotch). And though vodka can be made from almost anything, a lot of distillers make it with grain.

So, the impact on grain production would also drive up prices of vodka. That would be disastrous, as well, for us martini aficionados. And, since scotch is made from malts, those prices will go up, too, as the ability to produce those grains is reduced by the warming caused by our presence here on earth.

Let’s take it to the next logical conclusion… tobacco production will be a casualty of our greenhouse gas production.

Do you know what that would do to my life? Especially on Fridays when we sit around the cul de sac and solve the world’s problems while drinking martinis and smoking cigars?

We have got to take this seriously, folks. This is too important for us to laugh at anymore.

The logic is simple (even if the science is not quite there).Tthe warmer it gets, the more the arctic ice cap melts (for some reason it is growing in the Antarctic region). The more it melts the higher the seas rise and that creates coastal flooding. The less land there is for man to inhabit leads to a higher density of people per square mile (except for those that don’t escape in time). That will encroach on farming land. Combine that with the heat and, vioila!

It’s a vicious cycle! And I have a solution.

Let’s capture all of the melting ice and use the water to make beer and distill vodka and scotch! We would prevent a disastrous sea level rise, and would have cold beer for those unbearably hot, last days on earth before global warming kills us all (according to Al Gore).

I wish that I had come up with that idea of using glacial melt myself. It appears that some folks in Greenland have already thought of this, in part. There’s a story out of Greenland where it is reported that some entrepreneurs have captured the melting ice from global warming and are using it to brew beer.


Outstanding! Even in the face of certain doom, capitalism flourishes!

This is a brilliant way to use that water, which is the key to life!

And, as Noel Coward so brilliantly said, “Water is necessary for life, but the martini is necessary for a life worth living.”

A-6Dude

Midori Martini (hey, it’s Green!)
2 parts vodka
1 part Midori liqueur
Dash of Vermouth (optional)

Shake over ice till VERY cold and strain into chilled martini glass.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Another Victory on the Illegal Immigration Front

Rhode Island Governor Don Carcieri signed an executive order that includes a series of steps to combat illegal immigration. He correctly links the presence of illegal aliens to Rhode Island's financial woes. It’s good to see a leader see that can add 2 + 2 and get 4.

He signed the order Thursday and it requires state agencies and companies that do business with the state to verify the legal status of employees. It also directs the Rhode Island State Police and prison and parole officials to more aggressively find and deport illegal aliens.

By the way, did I mention that he was an evil Republican? I really didn’t think I would need to do so since I am talking about someone doing the right thing for our country.

Like all of us, Gov. Carcieri said he understands that illegal aliens face hardships — but he does not want them in Rhode Island, America's smallest state. "If you're here illegally, you shouldn't be here illegally. You shouldn't be here," Carcieri said.

Here comes the violin music….

Illegal alien advocate Juan Garcia fears Gov. Carcieri's proposals will drive a vulnerable community underground. Would that be underground into one of the tunnels going back to Mexico? He said illegal aliens who are victims of crime will fear approaching police, and that children could suffer if parents lose their jobs.

"These people are not criminals," he said. "This is affecting the poor people."

Juan, they are criminals. What part of the word illegal is so hard to understand? They are here illegally. Because they’re poor it’s supposed to be okay? Rhode Island faces an estimated $550 million budget deficit, its worst financial crisis since a series of bank and credit union collapses in the early 1990s.

I wonder how much of that deficit would be gone if RI didn’t have to use the taxes of legal citizens and guests to pay for services for illegal aliens? As a result, Carcieri has had to propose cutting school funding, reducing welfare and health care benefits and even letting prisoners out of jail early. Maybe all of those areas would be getting cuts even if there weren’t illegal aliens in RI. But I bet it would be less. And in all fairness, it isn’t the burden of the illegal aliens alone that have caused this deficit. But it didn’t help either.

The truth is that we need to either enforce our current immigration policy or get a new one. We need to secure the borders first, and then figure out how to handle the supposed 12-20 million illegal aliens in this country.

Carcieri supports increasing the number of legal immigrants and skilled workers allowed into the country. The difference here is the word ‘legal’.

When a reporter asked if his order might embolden xenophobes (that’s liberal code word for anyone that loves this country and wants our immigration laws enforced), Carcieri blamed the media for inflaming the immigration debate. YES!!! As we used to say when our bombs hit the target… “Shack”!! Way to go, Governor!

So, under his order, state police will enter an agreement with federal immigration authorities permitting them access to specialized immigration databases. That information would allow police to identify and detain illegal aliens.

Even better, though, the state police could investigate the legal status of anyone they suspect is an immigration violator, including crime victims, witnesses and people supplying police with confidential tips. Finally, someone is taking the political correctness out of the way of enforcing our laws.

I’m sure this will cost money in the short term but I know it will save money in the long haul.

Perhaps we could send a bill for services to Mexico and other countries that tell their people to come here illegally.

Now I am going to wait to see what the real defenders of freedom, the ACLU, have to say about this.

A-6Dude

The Kiss of the Tigress
2 parts Mandarin Vodka
1 part Cointreau® Orange Liqueur
1 part Orange Juice
1/2 tsp Powdered Sugar
1 Twist Oranges

Moisten glass rim with an orange twist, then dip rim into sugar (for more flavor try Stirrings® Coffee and Cocoa or Espresso rimmer). Pour liquid ingredients into shaker with ice and shake until very cold. Strain into rimmed martini glass. Garnish with twist of orange if desired.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Math Does Not Lie

1. To find a Woman you need Time and Money. Therefore:

Woman = Time x Money

2. “Time is Money” so:

Time = Money

3. Therefore:

Woman = Money x Money

Woman = (Money)2 [Sorry, I can't make it superscript. This is Money squared]

4. “Money is the root of all problems”

Money = √Problems [square root of problems]

5. Therefore

Woman = (√Problems)2 [square root of probems - squared]

Woman = Problems

A-6Dude

Sweet Martini

1.25 parts Gin
1/4 part Sweet Vermouth

Shake over ice till very cold. Strain into martini glass and garnish with maraschino cherry.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Another General Opens His Mouth – Reveals Stunning Ignorance

What is it with these retired generals? Recently I discussed comments that Gen. Wesley Clark made about McCain not having the right kind of experience. Now, former Air Force Chief of Staff, Gen Merrill “Tony” McPeak, co-chair of Obama’s campaign, has equated Bill Clinton to Senator Joseph McCarthy.

First of all, I am NO Clinton lover. Neither of them. And I love the chaos that is going in the Democrat Party right now. If you are looking closely enough you are seeing what these people really are.

Apparently McPeak was disappointed (that’s double-speak for being pissed) with remarks Bill Clinton made in Charlotte, NC today while campaigning for the Hill.

"I think it would be a great thing if we had an election year where you had two people who loved this country and were devoted to the interest of this country," Clinton said. "And people could actually ask themselves who is right on these issues, instead of all this other stuff that always seems to intrude itself on our politics."

McPeak learned of the remarks while at an Obama rally in Salem, Ore. Afterward, he called Clinton's statement horrible and compared it to McCarthy, the Republican senator from Wisconsin who held hearings on suspected Communist sympathizers in the 1950s.


"It sounds more like McCarthy," McPeak said. "I grew up, I was going to college when Joe McCarthy was accusing good Americans of being traitors, so I've had enough of it."

Of course, the Clinton campaign ridiculed the comparison. This may be the first time I have agreed with anything Hillary’s campaign has said.

"To liken these comments to McCarthyism is absurd," Clinton spokesman Phil Singer said. He said McPeak was "clearly misinterpreting" the remarks and suggested that might be an intentional effort to divert attention from a recent controversy involving controversial statements by Obama's former pastor.

Singer may have something there. This pastor issue is not going away soon and I don’t Obama can do enough to put it behind him because he blew the one chance to address it.

My real issue here is with McPeak. For a man that was in college during the evil McCarthy crusade against communism he should be able to distinguish what McCarthy did and said from what Bill Clinton said in his remarks.

McCarthy was on a campaign to prove that there were communists that had infiltrated the highest levels of the U.S. government. The Dems cried fascism and in typical Democrat manner went about destroying McCarthy’s name. He may have been more vilified by the Democrats than Hitler. He seems to have been more hated.

But in 1995 the U.S. government released a set of Soviet cables that had been decoded during the Cold War in a top secret program known as the Venona Project. The cables proved that McCarthy was RIGHT!

Liberals had waged almost a 50 year war of lies and disinformation about McCarthy and his charges. But now we know that McCarthy was right. There were communists in the highest levels of the government and the Democrats and liberals knew it (at least the ones that seemed to be the most outraged at the time).

Or maybe that is why McPeak is crying so loudly. Maybe Bill Clinton was right about Obama’s loyalty, if that is what he was insinuating.

History has proved McCarthy was right. If Bill Clinton was referring to Obama’s patriotism will he be proven right to? Will McPeak’s comparison be prescient?

A-6Dude

Miss Lewinsky
1.25 parts vodka

1 part Lime/Citron liqeuer

1 dash Angostura Bitter


Shake with ice in a cocktail shaker until very cold. Strain into a cocktail glass. Enjoy with a moist cigar.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sean Penn – Clairvoyant!

Sean Penn is clairvoyant. Or, so he believes.

He was in San Francisco wrapping up filming on a new movie about Harvey Milk (Penn is shown at left during the filming), the first city supervisor that had openly admitted choosing a homosexual lifestyle. Sean Penn, of course, was playing Milk. But, because he's a "method actor," he wanted to be called Harvey in between shots.

Between scenes a production assistant was following Penn around the front of City Hall with a large umbrella to shield him from the sun. Seeing he had a captive audience, he moved out from under the umbrella to deliver an impromptu speech to the crowd of extras.

"I almost wish Jerry Falwell were alive to see this. Almost," Penn shouted to the crowd. After dropping some names of conservatives who are still with us - "Bill O'Reilly, who is too stupid to talk about," and "Sean Hannity, the butt boy of Rupert Murdoch," Penn said, "We know something more. WE KNOW THEIR END IS NEAR (emphasis mine)."

Sean, stick to acting. I think you are a good actor. But you are not a clairvoyant. Let’s look at the ratings for Monday, March 17, 2008 to see the facts.

CABLE NEWS RACE MONDAY, MARCH 17, 2008 VIEWERS

FOXNEWS O'REILLY 3,040,000

FNC HANNITY/COLMES 2,337,000
FNC GRETA 1,862,000
FNC SHEP 1,583,000
FNC HUME 1,508,000
CNN DOBBS 1,227,000
CNN KING 983,000
CNN COOPER 976,000
MSNBC OLBERMANN 962,000
CNN BLITZER 839,000
CNNHN GRACE 663,000
MSNBC HARDBALL 604,000

Sean, one doesn’t have to be good at math to see the facts here. Although you liberals hate FOXNEWS, they are cleaning up in the ratings. You can see from the numbers that Bill O’Reilly has almost 2.5X the viewers of the highest rated CNN show with Lou Dobbs (and some liberals don’t like him either). In fact, the lowest rated FNC show (Brit Hume’s) had almost 25% more viewers than the highest rated CNN or MSNBC show.

Sean, math doesn’t seem to be one of your strong suits so stick to something that you seem to be able to do well – pretending to be someone you’re not! Or, maybe you should stay at a Holiday Inn Express before launching into your liberal mantra.

A-6Dude

Benedict Arnold Martini
1 part Whiskey
1 part Benedictine

Shake over ice until very cold and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a Maraschino cherry and a mint sprig (optional).