Here's What's in My Dirty Martini

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Global Warming - The Real Worst Case Scenario

I am now convinced that this man-made global warming alarmism is real. And here is the worst case scenario.

Climate change may hamper production of the grains and barley required to make alcohol and beer.

Out of New Zealand is a story that says just that. Global warming could cause a shortage of these grains and thus cause prices for beer and vodka to rise. This story was only referring to NZ and Australia but since we are told that this global warming stuff is the worst thing to hit our planet, it must be affecting grain production every where.

This would be catastrophic, to say the least. While I like beer, it is not my drink of choice. But this warming adversely affects malted barley production it would stand to reason that all grain production would be affected.

As you can tell, martinis are my drink of choice (followed closely by single malt scotch). And though vodka can be made from almost anything, a lot of distillers make it with grain.

So, the impact on grain production would also drive up prices of vodka. That would be disastrous, as well, for us martini aficionados. And, since scotch is made from malts, those prices will go up, too, as the ability to produce those grains is reduced by the warming caused by our presence here on earth.

Let’s take it to the next logical conclusion… tobacco production will be a casualty of our greenhouse gas production.

Do you know what that would do to my life? Especially on Fridays when we sit around the cul de sac and solve the world’s problems while drinking martinis and smoking cigars?

We have got to take this seriously, folks. This is too important for us to laugh at anymore.

The logic is simple (even if the science is not quite there).Tthe warmer it gets, the more the arctic ice cap melts (for some reason it is growing in the Antarctic region). The more it melts the higher the seas rise and that creates coastal flooding. The less land there is for man to inhabit leads to a higher density of people per square mile (except for those that don’t escape in time). That will encroach on farming land. Combine that with the heat and, vioila!

It’s a vicious cycle! And I have a solution.

Let’s capture all of the melting ice and use the water to make beer and distill vodka and scotch! We would prevent a disastrous sea level rise, and would have cold beer for those unbearably hot, last days on earth before global warming kills us all (according to Al Gore).

I wish that I had come up with that idea of using glacial melt myself. It appears that some folks in Greenland have already thought of this, in part. There’s a story out of Greenland where it is reported that some entrepreneurs have captured the melting ice from global warming and are using it to brew beer.

Outstanding! Even in the face of certain doom, capitalism flourishes!

This is a brilliant way to use that water, which is the key to life!

And, as Noel Coward so brilliantly said, “Water is necessary for life, but the martini is necessary for a life worth living.”


Midori Martini (hey, it’s Green!)
2 parts vodka
1 part Midori liqueur
Dash of Vermouth (optional)

Shake over ice till VERY cold and strain into chilled martini glass.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't worry too much about water levels rising. They've been rising since the end of the last ice age 12,000 years ago without noticeable harm. It used to be possible to walk from France to England across what now is the English Channel. So the change (rise) in water level has been at least 400 feet. The good news is it is rising so very slowly that there is plenty of time for everyone to adjust.

A-6Dude said...

@Duscany...I hope you picked up my attempt at sardonic wit. I do not buy the global warming hoax at all. Just wanted to make sure you knew where I stood. But I like the idea of using glacial melt to distill alcohol, eh!

Chuck said...

Brilliant idea! It would result in the rising waters being in bottles or cans and we could store them anywhere we chose. That way there would be no flooding and the world would still have room for people. I wish I had thought of it. Maybe I would have been awarded the Nobel Prize.

I agree the global warming thing is a hoax prepetrated by "scientists" looking for government grants. The public gets screwed gain.


Tigress said...

I love this post. What a great way to actually get everyone's attention. Hit 'um where it hurts. :-D

Anonymous said...

well, nothing like the world coming to an end an all some joik is worryin about is his alcohol consumption..just drink it all at once now, die of alcohol poisoning, and then we wont have to be subjected to this nonsense

A-6Dude said...

@Anonymous. Sounds like you need a drink to lighten up so I will be glad to give you one before I drink it all and die for you. Maybe then you will have the courage to quit hiding behind the 'Anonymous' label when you want to comment.

The real nonsense is the notion that man affects global climate. What about the ice age that is coming, according to recent quotes by climate scientists? How do stpo that?

Anonymous said...

Stunning. Duh. I'm anonymous only for speed's sake, as I have to return to teach in a minute, but the 'conspiracy' junk viz grants et all is so dumb that I can hardly type this. Have you actually checked on why the interior ice cap is growing in Antarctica? Your 'common sense' judgment is 180 from the reality...the increased warming induces more precipitation in the interior, but is clearly crumbling places like the Wilkins ice shelf. Etc. etc. Try reading, by actual, practicing climatologists. Oh, by the way, if you think science is a scam, and scientists just rogues out for a grant buck, then dump all the science produced goodies you use, like this computer, your cell phone, cars, washing machines, wifi, contemporary dentistry, stents, radiation therapy (saved my life...oh, sorry, just a hoax, so I must be dead), radar, airplanes (you'd best walk to San Diego next time), welding, and on and on and on. All involve some measure of scientific inquiry in their development, and the absolute vast majority of scientists are women and men of integrity, who work their asses off. I'm so tired of this profound level of beer-fueled ignorance that I could puke. Here's a wager for all of you doubters: in ten years, post these moronic comments again, and see how utterly off you were in your judgment. If you're right, I'll gladly give in, drink myself into oblivion, and turn my baseball cap backwards. I doubt this will get posted, but if it does, maybe one, just one, of you will actually educate yourselves by reading and discover an astonishing world out 'there', as opposed to the simplistic picture you carry now. I won't hold my breath.

A-6Dude said...

@Anonymous...I am glad to hear that science saved your life. I hope that whatever it was does not return to you.

And, I do not pick and choose which comments to post on my site. Unless you are extremely offensive or personally attack me you are free to voice you thoughts and opinions.

The climate changes. It has changed since the planet was formed. It has been warmer than it is now and it has been colder than it is now. It has done so without man or carbon emissions even being a factor. It is arrogant to think that man, in less than a half of a century, can impact this world to the extent your religious followers of the global warming hoax believe. But, since I have researched this issue (and even at I know that there are more scientists and climatologists out there that do not buy into the hoax than those that do.

So since I will never convince you let me clarify something. You say that I don't believe in science...wrong! I don't believe in junk science. So, get your facts straight before putting them down on paper.

I will also take you up on the bet for 20 years from now. Do you know how I know I will win? Because 30 years ago the earth was going to freeze according your "real climatologists". Then, all of a sudden we were melting. The earth has gotten cooler since 1998.

But you are right, there is an astonishing world out there. And it is far better able to handle whatever you think man is doing to it than you seem to think it can.

Come back can even do so anonymously.

Grey Fox said...

Thanks for the post to my post. Despite your claim about 'junk' science, I think the work done by Gavin Schmidt et al at RealClimate is pretty high flyer by science standards. Why do you call it junk? Because it disagrees with your analysis? Do you have a science background? What part, specifically, would you designate as junk science? This includes everything from aerosols, albedo change, CO2 and temperature changes matching over hundreds of thousands of years (ice core samples...several now), change in arctic ice (rate of change) etc. I'm not even touching the tip of the iceberg, no pun intended. Are you conversant with modeling, recent innovations and improvements in same, and statistical analysis? These and many, many more issues have been dealt with in detail at RealClimate, and you are absolutely welcome, as you invited me here, to post on their site, and show where they are wrong, and how RealClimate's is junk science. You can post any data, any analysis, and have people who are actual experts respond. And respond they will. I think you will be in for a surprise. This is not a site of rabid grant chasers, or ill-advised math dropouts, or corporate-funded 'institutes', but the real deal. What do you know about climatology, and the advances made in the past thirty years? I doubt you are conversant with any of that. But prove me wrong. The ice-age 'prediction' was a postulated possiblity from two ideas: 1) that we are in an interglacial warming, and that if nothing disturbs the atmospheric status quo, the statistical odds that we will return to an ice age are strong, given the historical evidence; and 2) that if the Atlantic circulatory system (Gulf Stream et al) were disturbed, as scientists postulate by sudden fresh-water melt-off about ten thousand years ago, then the change in salinity etc would shut down the warmth-bringing current, hence the northern hemisphere subject to suddenly lower temperatures (Younger Dryas episode). However, the surge in CO2,especially noteworthy in the past few decades, has changed the odds. We may actually see the interruption of the circulation, with correspondingly lower temperatures in the northern latitudes, yet have overall warming on the planet. Ironic, yet real. Weather and climate are often confused. Variations year to year or over even a few years must be measured against much longer trends, and it is the longer trends that are overtly pointed to the anthropogenic contribution to warming. There is literally no doubt now among those doing serious research in this subject. Those outside the field (Dyson et al) are not vaguely qualified to make the pronunciamentos that they have, yet because of the stature in other fields, get attention. Others have bogus or cherry-picked data (Lomborg, for example...who, by the way, has a counter-site by another Danish scientist who catalogues Bjorn's errors...and they are legion) which, to the layman, may sound convincing. I could go on for a long time, but I realized my earlier post was too emotional and ad hominem, and for that I apologize. As my son says, my bad. I would like to engage you in the search for what is real here, versus what is second and third-hand op-ed stuff, most of which isn't worth the reading. George Will is as qualified to speak on this as my dog Rose. Yet his sonorous prose makes people think he has a clue. I'm sorry, but he doesn't. Events will overtake this conversation anyway, but it would be satisfying to me, in some way, for at least one denier to explore the intricate and very, very alive world of current research, and to understand how these men and women are working to unravel what humans are doing to themselves and our planet. The experiment is too dangerous to just let run its course. I drop the vulgar and the confrontational, and invite you to take a stab at a post on RealClimate. It will be worth the journey.