Global Warming - The Real Worst Case Scenario

I am now convinced that this man-made global warming alarmism is real. And here is the worst case scenario.

Climate change may hamper production of the grains and barley required to make alcohol and beer.

Out of New Zealand is a story that says just that. Global warming could cause a shortage of these grains and thus cause prices for beer and vodka to rise. This story was only referring to NZ and Australia but since we are told that this global warming stuff is the worst thing to hit our planet, it must be affecting grain production every where.

This would be catastrophic, to say the least. While I like beer, it is not my drink of choice. But this warming adversely affects malted barley production it would stand to reason that all grain production would be affected.

As you can tell, martinis are my drink of choice (followed closely by single malt scotch). And though vodka can be made from almost anything, a lot of distillers make it with grain.

So, the impact on grain production would also drive up prices of vodka. That would be disastrous, as well, for us martini aficionados. And, since scotch is made from malts, those prices will go up, too, as the ability to produce those grains is reduced by the warming caused by our presence here on earth.

Let’s take it to the next logical conclusion… tobacco production will be a casualty of our greenhouse gas production.

Do you know what that would do to my life? Especially on Fridays when we sit around the cul de sac and solve the world’s problems while drinking martinis and smoking cigars?

We have got to take this seriously, folks. This is too important for us to laugh at anymore.

The logic is simple (even if the science is not quite there).Tthe warmer it gets, the more the arctic ice cap melts (for some reason it is growing in the Antarctic region). The more it melts the higher the seas rise and that creates coastal flooding. The less land there is for man to inhabit leads to a higher density of people per square mile (except for those that don’t escape in time). That will encroach on farming land. Combine that with the heat and, vioila!

It’s a vicious cycle! And I have a solution.

Let’s capture all of the melting ice and use the water to make beer and distill vodka and scotch! We would prevent a disastrous sea level rise, and would have cold beer for those unbearably hot, last days on earth before global warming kills us all (according to Al Gore).

I wish that I had come up with that idea of using glacial melt myself. It appears that some folks in Greenland have already thought of this, in part. There’s a story out of Greenland where it is reported that some entrepreneurs have captured the melting ice from global warming and are using it to brew beer.

Outstanding! Even in the face of certain doom, capitalism flourishes!

This is a brilliant way to use that water, which is the key to life!

And, as Noel Coward so brilliantly said, “Water is necessary for life, but the martini is necessary for a life worth living.”

A-6Dude

Midori Martini (hey, it’s Green!)
2 parts vodka
1 part Midori liqueur
Dash of Vermouth (optional)

Shake over ice till VERY cold and strain into chilled martini glass.

Beer Drinking is Destroying the Planet?

I was finally ahead of the curve. As you can tell from the title of my blog, martinis are my drink of choice (and scotch, too). And we here at Dirty Martini ARE green (okay, so it’s just me and green is the color of a lot of my titles and banners).

Based on the article I read today, I am relieved to know that since I quit drinking beer as my predominant adult beverage of choice, I have reduced my contribution to global warming.

And, I am a firm believer in climate change. I see the weather change on a daily basis. I also know from my own research that the earth warms and cools about every 1500 years.

When I saw the headline I thought that the beer story was going to be about the end by-product of carbohydrate fermentation in our intestines (methane). We all have heard how cows and other ruminants are destroying our planet by farting. And when we drink beer – most of us fart too.

But this Canadian government sponsored study didn’t find that it was the consumption and expulsion of the beer that we evil humans do to make our planet warmer. It was worse than that. It appears that some of us actually like to keep our beer cold. Yes, some of us actually have ….. a beer fridge. Not just the one in our kitchens, but some people have a second refrigerator to store beer.

They actually paid someone to survey refrigerator usage!!

But wait! You gotta hear this…. "People need to understand the impact of their lifestyles," British environmental consultant Joanna Yarrow tells New Scientist magazine. "Clearly the environmental implications of having a frivolous luxury like a beer fridge are not hitting home. This research helps inform people — let's hope it has an effect."

Of course, even if beer was my beverage of choice, I would have to fight for space in my “second” reefer with all of the juice boxes that I store for my kids and the neighborhood kids to consume. I can now tell them that they are causing global warming by wanting cold juice boxes in the summer.

Is having a second frig a “frivolous luxury”? I might concede that it is a luxury…but it’s not frivolous. I work hard and if I have some extra money after my bills are paid then who’s to say what is frivolous or not. It's my money!!!

"Sorry kids, there’ll be no more juice boxes. And there’ll be no more fun till morale improves, either."

Of course, I think all of this is garbage. But it would take way too many blog postings to address the farce that I think the man-made global warming issue is.

To hear these people, it seems that the world would be better off without mankind. We are the nature’s biggest enemy. But the last time I looked, we WERE part of nature. But when you hear the wacko environmentalists talk it’s like we are some alien life form that is not of this world and our sole mission to destroy it. Hell, aren't we destroying the planet by exhaling? Isn't that CO2? Aren't we a carbon-based life form?

I definitely am for taking care of our planet. Having been around the world, literally, I can tell you that this is a beautiful place. And there are a lot of sensible things we humans can do. Being good stewards of our planet is the right thing to do. And, as our technolology advances it will allow us to do things more efficiently. But it seems these wackos want to take us back to the days before electricity. Our technological advances are ruining everything. But heck, we could become hunter-gatherers again and we could eat the moose that are dumping 2,100 kilos of CO2 into the environment each year.

But the folks that did the study had a different answer….

“University of Alberta researcher Denise Young, who led the study, suggests that provincial authorities hold beer-fridge buy-backs or round-ups to eliminate the threat — methods that Americans use to get guns off the streets.”

I can see it happening now….government officials storming people’s garages and seizing those ‘frivolous’, beer-can chilling refrigerators. Those old fridges will be chained and carted off to some undisclosed location to go through re-education training and, if they rehabilitate successfully, they may find their way back into society in a ‘one refrigerator’ home...the way their God intended.

And this is what they want for their Religion of Environmentalism….more governmental control of our lives. That way they can get rid of evil capitalism and everything evil that it spawns.

So I’m not likely to get rid of my ‘frivolous luxury’ anytime soon. Nor am I inclined to tell my kids that beer is the only beverage allowed in my ‘frivolous luxury’. As I said, beer isn’t my number one drink of choice. But....

Perhaps I will buy more olives for my dirty martinis and keep them out there.


A-6Dude


Here is another good martini recipe for the Christmas season:

Frostini: this is like drinking dessert!
-equal parts vanilla vodka / Godiva Dark Chocolate liqueur / Bailey's
-splash of cream
-shake ingredients over ice
-pour into a COLD martini glass
-garnish with a Hershey's kiss or rim the glass with chocolate